Life is Unfair Sometimes

For the longest time I have called Eagle River my home, but most people don't realize its not actually my home. I may have gone to school there up till 4th grade, broke my first bone, had my first crush, first fought with my friends and it was the first time I had to say goodbye to everything I knew at the age of 11. To me though its not where I did my growing up and learning life's lessons. The place I will always truly call home is Homer. Yes I hated living there, but it was there that I learned so much and grew to be who I am today.
    A few months ago I got a phone call at work from my parents wanting to tell me some really good news, it was just my dad and I on the phone when he told me that they were moving. I remember being in the back room at work up against a wall and as soon as I heard those words I slumped my body down to the ground. I first had to gather myself up and then I was able to ask him where, the answer was Washington and the reason was that the Bishop wanted my parents to do more Mission work down there. The first thing that went through my mind while I placed a hand on a belly was that my child wasn't going to know his grandparents and grow up with them near.
    I am going to stop there and just say that I have not wanted to talk about this 'issue' since I found out and personally I still don't want to talk about. I just feel so sad all the time whenever I do think about it so I decided that maybe I just need to blog about it to get it off my chest. Even thought it will always be on my mind.
    This last Sunday I got an email from my father with pictures of them signing off on the house and it made me realize that this is more real now then it ever has been. Their are packing up the house and getting ready to leave in a little over a month now. Its breaking my heart just to think about all this stuff right now as I type. No I am not sad about the selling of the house, its the fact that its not our home any more that bothers me.  Home is Homer even though I don't live there. My memories are there and even if I am making new ones here its hard to know that there wont be any new ones in Homer.
    This next weekend we are driving down for Oliver's Baptism and its going to be so hard. I want my dad to be able to baptism his grandson in his baby church. The church that he build from the ground up and took care of for so many years. I just never thought this was going to happen, then again I never thought I was going to have a kid.
    I think the hard part of all this is me not wanting to talk about and when people bring it up I walk away. I don't need to know why they are moving, its not going to change the fact that they are. They are leaving and I know they are not abandoning us, they are just moving on and its hard to deal with. I have head to deal with a lot of heartache in my life, but I have never had to deal with this feeling. It was so easy for me to just leave when I was 17 because I knew they would always be there, but now they wont be.
    I am sorry this post is all over the place I am just trying to get this out and when the words come they come in no sort of order what so ever! Thank you for listening, well reading. I know there will be many more tears to come and I know that one day my heart will mend like it does when it has broken in the past... one day at a time.